Big Mac Attack
by Shadow Goat Alice
Summary: Sharlynn regales her cousin with tales of the New Years party post Sam and Jack drama


"So Shari, tell be about this New Year's party I wasn't invited to." Mac said, handing Sharlynn a beer and settling down in his armchair across from her.

Sam was entertaining his little sister on the floor, playing with the gifts they'd gotten for Christmas, and Kate was sitting next to Sharlynn on the couch, listening intently.

"Damn so much happened. Sam and Jack got into a fight."

"Ya don't say?" Mac said, looking a little surprised.

"Yeah. Turns out Jack thought she was pregnant because he found a test in her bathroom."

"Well that sounds like some pretty damning evidence." Mac said, mulling over the information as he took a swig of his beer.

"Yeah, but it wasn't Sam's. It was Liz's."

"Now Liz is the med student, yeah?"

"Mmhmm." Sharlynn nodded, picking at the label of her beer bottle. "Apparently she's the one who is pregnant. Anyways, there was this whole argument in front of _everyone._ So their secret is out. I think they made up though. At least that's what Jenny said."

"Jenny?" Mac asked, wondering why the name sounded familiar.

"Yeah, Jennifer Hailey, she lives across from Sam." Sharlynn took a swig if her beer and returned to picking at the label.

"Ya know, you take after your brother more than ya think." Mac said smugly, staring pointedly at Sharlynn' s hands picking at the label.

Sharlynn flushed, set her beer down on the coffee table, and put her hands in her lap.

"Jennifer Hailey… she's one of my students." Mac said thoughtfully. "How did she know they made up?"

"I don't know… she wouldn't tell me." Sharlynn shrugged. Honestly Jenn has been rather cagey about the whole thing. Sharlynn had brought it up casually on New Year's Day, hoping to find out if Jenn knew anything being as her and Sam were close. Jen flushed a glorious shade of red, and mumbled something about "yeah they made up." And then made an excuse about having to work on some project for school.

"Welp, sounds like you had an interesting night, little cousin." Mac snickered, leaning back in his chair and crossing one leg over his other knee.

"Oh that's not even the best part!" Sharlynn beamed. "Janet turned WHITE. I've never seen her so shocked! And then Daniel's girlfriend showed up and-oh my god, have you ever seen Daniel drunk?"

Mac laughed. "Daniel Jackson is not one to hold his liquor well. You know, my mom had a saying about guys like him-"

"Yeah, your mom had a saying about everyone." Sharlynn waved him off. She knew Mac, and once he got talking about his childhood, the stories would never end. They always had a lesson in them somehow, though she felt like there was some running dialogue in his head that would make the whole story a lot clearer.

"I suppose she did. So what did Daniel do?" Mac said, unfazed by Sharlynn' s dismissal.

"Okay, well Sha're - that's Daniel's new girlfriend - well, she showed up not long after Jack and Sam stormed out. She is a steal I'll tell you. I don't know how Daniel caught that one, but I think her dad is a professor of Egyptology."

"Sha're Munet?" Mac interrupted, "yeah I know her dad! Professor Kasuf Munet. Hell of a man, he's from Cairo you know, and-"

"Bub, please. Can I tell the story?"

"All right, all right, I'll stop interrupting." Mac replied, a spark of humor in his eyes.

"Okay, so Sha're shows up, and Daniel is already pretty tipsy. So apparently he'd never had the guts to officially ask her out before, and he's pretty flirty when he's drunk. Sha're thought that was the cutest thing and just led him around the party. They made out in front of Janet before Sha're shamed him for waiting so long to ask her out and dragged him out the door."

"Gotta love a woman who knows what they want, ain't that right Kate?" Mac said, tipping his beer to his wife.

"Poor Janet had her world crumble around her that night." Sharlynn said laughing.

"You don't sound too sympathetic." Kate said, staring at Sharlynn.

"Well it's kind of hard to be sympathetic when someone is so damn stubborn they won't listen to you tell them the truth multiple times."

"Alright Shari, what else happened at this party?" Mac said, changing the subject.

"Oh! Jenn brought her sloth!"

"Her sloth?" Sam asked looking up from the floor where he's been playing with his younger sister.

"Yeah, okay I guess I forgot to tell you. But at the Christmas gift exchange there was this massive box, it was like… I dunno, maybe seven foot tall? Big enough to hold someone taller and wider than Teal'c."

"Well that sounds almost imposing." Mac joked, leaning forward again to show his interest was piqued.

"Oh yeah. Well, no one dared open the box, because everyone was a little terrified of what might be in it. Except Jenn. That girl has guts man. She parched right up to it and just started ripping the paper off. Teal'c had to pick her up so she could reach all the wrapping paper because she's so short!" Sharlynn paused laughing. "And then!"

Sharlynn fell into a fit of giggles, struggling to compose herself enough to force out the rest of the story. Finally she just wheezes it put between laughs as clearly as she could. Everyone in the room had to strain so they could hear her.

"She opens the side of the box and almost gets crushed by a seven foot tall stuffed sloth!"

"Woah! No way!" Sam exclaimed with excitement.

"Yup! So Teal'c pulled it off her, and she sat on it like it was her throne for the rest of the night!"

"And she brought this thing to the New Year's party?" Mac asked, looking thoroughly amused.

"Oh yeah! I don't know how, but she convinced Teal'c to help her carry it down, and would periodically sit on in throughout the night as though it was a throne! People took turns - with her permission of course."

"Well gosh, it sounds like you all had quite the party. You should convince Jack to invite the rest of us in the future."

"I'll do my best." Sharlynn said, smiling at her favorite cousin.

"Now, do you want to hear about John and Liz trying time escape people asking them about the baby all night?" Sharlynn asked, leaning forward on her knees gleefully.

"Well, what could it hurt. You're already here after all." Mac said, mirroring her position as he smiled.

"Well it all started when Sam stormed off, and Jack followed. I'm fairly certain Walter knows everything, because he had a fist full of confetti he clearly planned to throw on Jack and Sam, which he then dejectedly threw on John and Liz before stomping away into the night…"

"Walter does know everything," Mac said, leaning back again and taking another sip of beer. "Ya know he lives directly above Jack's apartment right?"

"Yeah. Anyways. They were mobbed all night with people giving congratulations and asking questions. It was hilarious."

"That doesn't sound very funny to me." Mac said looking pensive. "Why, that sounds downright annoying for the poor couple."

"Well you had to be there." Sharlynn said, brushing off his comment.

"Well maybe next year I'll get an invite outta Jack." Mac took another swig of his beer as Sharlynn barked a laugh. "Well now what?"

"It's nothing Bub, just… I'm sure your students would absolutely love getting drunk with their professor."

"Aw, hell."


End file.
